Came back from grade 12 retreat on friday and still super-duper tired.those were the longest two days ever. it was really good..got to get away and relax and spend time w/my closest school friends...i'm so thankful that theres peopel at school i can count as real friends.kinda got us all on an emotional high, but for a good reason.thinking about NOT being in highschool scares me, cuz for the past 3 years, i've gotta to know so many of them...many of them that i take for granted, but also i can't imagine not seeing them everyday in the halls anymore..the "warm-fuzzies" and "candle sharing" really encouraged and reminded me to make the best of my last year..to work hard and to show my friends how much they mean to me >.<
Memories i'll never forget from those two days: inuksuit building, night-time movies n' sleepovers, night-time hike &campfire, journaling, warm fuzzies, candle sharing, group sharing, ymca games, low-ropes, etc.

Wednesday, went to buy all the stuff with the girls for dy's baby shower...that was fun, and then i drove for the first time by myself!! muahhahaa..well..it always seems to rain whenever i have the car..soo today i went to visit dy at the hospital..stayed for 5 hours..lol.three of which we were doing cross-word puzzles..soo FRUSTRATING but FUN...hehe. it was fun anyway, her baby kept kicking me like crazy haha..anyway...life's not too busy right now..not getting REALLY stressed out which is good! Media is fun...its really a place i've foudn that i really like to serve in...its a really uplifting change from things i do every week and i look forward to it =) the leadership retreat is gonna be fun!

UGHHHHH!!!!! its so true that people blog more when they're upset or mad or have the need to SPAZ..out. today's been so frustrating...because of only one person...i don't know if i can LIVE like this anymore, it keeps happening, and then everything kinda goes back to normal but the tension is always there..its been there since grade 9...i really need someone ELSE that i can look up to; someone who i WANT to be like when i grow up...its really frustrating because everytime i decide to do something about it..i just can't do it. i'd move in with my dad..but..i don't want to bother him and his family...and..things would just be really weird..i can't live two lives...gotta keep up with school, plan things for media, try to have a social life..and just keep everything in balance!! its so HARD...grrrrrrrr...i wanna rip somthing!! *RIIIIIP*. if i was a guy..there'd probably be holes in my roomwalls...*sigh* i can't even believe i'm feeling like this. it only happens once ina while..most times..i'm the happiest person alive. i AM happy,i love my friends, chris, my sisters,etc..if only this one thing in my life would CHANGE. i don't know how long i can stand it for. at least university is less than a year away. can't wait to GET AWAY. *sigh*.........
why does life have to be so unfair? the world is living HELL....it always has been and always will, no matter how happy we think we are. nobody here is perfect, nothing here is perfect...the only thing that keeps us ALIVE is GOD...the only thing that keeps me going is HOPE..and faith.i guess we can all feel a bit of what hell will be like...it'll be...lonliness worse than anything we can imagine on earth. depression and more emptiness and eternity than humans can understand....that would be a SUPER-SUCKY place to be wouldn't it?

anyway..i guess through all this..i'm so glad that i have you there..thanks for being there for me even when i can be really difficult..and being so patient. i know now what i DO see in you. someone who DOES have a mature side..that's maybe more mature than i am. you're not only my b/f but a REAL BEST FRIEND...=) thx for bringing me back to reality. i love you >.<

tomorrow..is back to school..and its gonna be a busy week! monday-university presentations at milliken, tuesday-h/w day, wednesday-york presentation;missionsgroup;baby-shower shopping;visiting dy;half-day, thursday-gr12 retreat in bolton;friday-coming back from retreat;fellowship, saturday-mediapractice;going to waterloo till sunday (maybe) ...

Its about time to blog again...well, school's been great so far and i'm not stressing out so far which is a BIG accomplishment! HMM well, thanksgiving weekend was awesome..spent it in niagra falls with 14 other church families, at Sherkston Shores. IT was just great to get away from Toronto and RELAX. Saturday was our first day there, but we went to Buffalo for the day to go shopping. Went to WArden Galleria Mall but didn't find much there..bought some stuff from Aeropostale and some t-shirts from Abercrombie...then we went to Prime Outlets where ther ewas a HUGE aeropostale sale and i bought a winter jacket and some summer stuff for nex' year. After that, we went to Denny's for dinner and then went to tour aroudn Niagra falls to see the night view. It was beautiful but really cold. After the potluck dinner we went to Adrian's house for "homework", and thats when all the drama started. The whole night was jokes. ("z-yo-t z-mama-t"){z-orlando-t bloom}Luckily we stil were able to get SOME work down..i didn't get as much done as i planned to though. THe next day we had church serviec at Sherkston, and then biked around the resort to differen't ppl's houses. Before dinner, we watched the sunset...it was breathtaking like always...on monday we went to play mini-golf, and our team lost..but it was still tons of fun!

This week...hasn't been so great. Especially today. this morning my sister had to go to volleyball at 7am AGAIN...soo i had to get up at like 5:30 and leave the house by 6...*sigh* i hate getting so frustrated at little things, but it all adds up. yesterday was the saem. id dint' even eat breakfast...was super tired...and didn't get much h/w done the night before...i started getting frustrated atmy mom for no reason adn stuff...at school...it got better i guess..just concentrated on doing work. gotta keep my marks up this year and stop getting distracted. its hard NOT to be distracted though. It means less time with my family and especially Chris...haven't seen him in almost a week...hopefully it doesn't get to those once a week things cuz that would suck...i miss him alot..i spend so much more time with my mom and sister and school friends than with him...oh well. i guess we all hafta make sacrifices...the good thing about this week..is i'll be getting my g2 on friday!! (if i pass)..then i can go out more. it also means lots more responsiblity..

it's been a month since i last blogged...and i just realized i've only blogged once last month...so what's new? last month...i went to get my g2 and the brake lights on my car didn't work...so it's been rescheduled sometime in october...had my interview for tc media and made the team *yay*...we got a hype new FOG machine for drama at church which is the coolest thing ever, except that it kinda smells...spent some time with dy, getting baby stuff ready, and also had 2 girls cell group sleepovers which were fun!! doing our nails, having a tea party, making care packages for the frosh, and celebrating Holly and Cae's engagement..its really great to hanging out with them...and also getting to know the older university girls. speaking of which...i've finally decided where i wanna go next year ^.^ its still sinking in that i'll be going to university next year and reaching another milestone in life. its hard thinking about it, becuase for so many years i've been the one watching people leave home, saying goodbye and maybe never seeing or talking to them again. and when they DO come back, things won't be the same. hmm soo my top three choices for univeristies are waterloo, laurier, and utsc for accounting co-op. hopefully i'll get into waterloo or laurier though, so i can leave home. its not that i want to leave anyone or anything..its just the feeling of being independant and free to do whatever iwant...making my own choices and becoming more mature..hopefully. but for NOW..gotta pass grade 12. school hasnt' been too stressful so far...my plan is to work like its june..so in june..i won't be stressed out..and that's been my plan which hasn't worked for the past 2 years. gotta get motivated this year =P while trying to enjoy life and get enough sleep at the same time.