UGHHHHH!!!!! its so true that people blog more when they're upset or mad or have the need to SPAZ..out. today's been so frustrating...because of only one person...i don't know if i can LIVE like this anymore, it keeps happening, and then everything kinda goes back to normal but the tension is always there..its been there since grade 9...i really need someone ELSE that i can look up to; someone who i WANT to be like when i grow up...its really frustrating because everytime i decide to do something about it..i just can't do it. i'd move in with my dad..but..i don't want to bother him and his family...and..things would just be really weird..i can't live two lives...gotta keep up with school, plan things for media, try to have a social life..and just keep everything in balance!! its so HARD...grrrrrrrr...i wanna rip somthing!! *RIIIIIP*. if i was a guy..there'd probably be holes in my roomwalls...*sigh* i can't even believe i'm feeling like this. it only happens once ina while..most times..i'm the happiest person alive. i AM happy,i love my friends, chris, my sisters,etc..if only this one thing in my life would CHANGE. i don't know how long i can stand it for. at least university is less than a year away. can't wait to GET AWAY. *sigh*.........
why does life have to be so unfair? the world is living HELL....it always has been and always will, no matter how happy we think we are. nobody here is perfect, nothing here is perfect...the only thing that keeps us ALIVE is GOD...the only thing that keeps me going is HOPE..and faith.i guess we can all feel a bit of what hell will be like...it'll be...lonliness worse than anything we can imagine on earth. depression and more emptiness and eternity than humans can understand....that would be a SUPER-SUCKY place to be wouldn't it?

anyway..i guess through all this..i'm so glad that i have you there..thanks for being there for me even when i can be really difficult..and being so patient. i know now what i DO see in you. someone who DOES have a mature side..that's maybe more mature than i am. you're not only my b/f but a REAL BEST FRIEND...=) thx for bringing me back to reality. i love you >.<

tomorrow..is back to school..and its gonna be a busy week! monday-university presentations at milliken, tuesday-h/w day, wednesday-york presentation;missionsgroup;baby-shower shopping;visiting dy;half-day, thursday-gr12 retreat in bolton;friday-coming back from retreat;fellowship, saturday-mediapractice;going to waterloo till sunday (maybe) ...