What happens when you lose a best friend for a while?

You start blogging everyday because talking to no one is the only thing better than not talking to them. does that make any sense? Oh well, who cares...i can't say this is depressing..but i don't know how to feel anymore..if i don't think about it, or see him, i'm FINE. but then...whenever i try to talk, i feel misunderstood...i guess, we both are. and its mostly my fault, but i don't know how much longer i can take this. It's become like an obsession that i have to overcome..i can't live everyday KNOWING that things won't be the same for a long time, which is the reason for those teary nights. *sigh* I dont' even feel liek i can be me anymore..liek my bubble has popped and suddenly what i thought life was.isn't...reality is that people let you down sometimes you're just stuck cuz no one can save you, not even yourself. This is one of those times. I used to think I could always be happy, no matter what crappy thing happened. But for once i can't be happy anymore...everything i've looked forward to might as well not happen. Theres no point in talking about it again, it'll only make it hurt more. Even when i move away, I'll still be thinking of how we would be if this never happened...every day...love hurts..a LOT.

Waiting for you...

Jars of Clay - World's Apart

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

...So steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart



on another note...
Nat Drove Me Home TODAY!!!Thankfully Nadine drove most of the way to her house. Thankfully it was only the distance of two main highway exits but on city streets. *phew* scariest 5 minutes of my life. Held onto my seatbelt for dear life and forced myself to stay awake for both of our safety. No way was I falling asleep even though it was 11:30 and my eyes could barely stay open. AHHHHHHHHH!! my first time in her car and her first time driving pretty much anywhere by 'herself' hahaa..and she misses a stop sign!! by the time i yelled STOP SIGN the girl might as well have been in the middle of the four-way stop. and this is what she has to say about it: "oh well, no police car" omigosh!!!! haha..reminds me of my own BAD expericne with stop signs..uhhh which no one needs to know about except those who know.

on even another note...
TODAY was soo eventful i can barely tell it all. First went to volunteer at Daycare, and today we took a walk to the park. 10 two-year olds and a flock of pigeons. imagine what fun!! hehee...but they ARE adorable..crazy loud and incredibly unware that they mess up EVERYTHING..makes them so lovable even though u wanna yell at them soemtimes. After that, took the streetcar to the beach, including my episode of getting lost on the way and walking around downtown for a while till i found Queen Street again. worst sense of direction ever...pretty scary getting lost downtown, cuz the area wwas VERY VERy "GHETTO". However, finding everyone at the beach was fun..played volleyball, softball, tanned a bit, built stuff in teh sand...(castle taht never got finished--girl getting eaten by shark--big hole--and turtle!) and barbequed the whole time!! for 3.50 we got a nice big burger, hot dog, grilled corn and drinks..its alwasy better with more people!! After the beach I met up with Nat and went to the Concert of Prayer for the Underpriveledged "For they shall be fed" or something..yeah..it was alright..=) worship was AWESOME cuz it was led by Gord. hehe..wow God really spoke to those people there though! the speakers were really into passionate about what they talked abuot..spent some time praying for the poor, the world, leaders, etc. ..
anyway..
good night for now!
It's 1pm!